Balance
- At November 21, 2015
- By Amber
- In Studio Journal
- 0
I know I am not alone in my quest for balance between making art and having a paying job. Since moving to Canada in 2010 I have tried various set ups – seasonal work, temp jobs, random craigslist employment. None of these situations were ideal, usually because I let the paid work take over or they meant working weekends which meant no time with my family.
I was lucky enough to spend a year being supported by my husband which I have started to think of as the gap year I missed in my 20s. Whilst we can get by on his wage it made me feel uncomfortable not to be contributing to the household income. It didn’t seem fair to put all of the wage earning pressure on him. I weighed up my options. I considered if I could make a living just from selling my art – whilst I love the idea of that it just wasn’t realistic for me. I am just beginning and I really want to allow myself time to experiment and keep moving forward with the dreamscape ideas without worrying “will it sell?”. Lewis Hyde’s book ‘The Gift’ was particularly helpful in setting out reasons for separating your art making from market forces. I know that is a whole other debate.
In any event my full time work has come to an end and I have regular part time work now for 3 days per week at a job I enjoy, leaving the rest of my time for art and life. I am really happy with this arrangement – yes it will slow me down in the studio but I think it will be a good balance for me. Studio life can also be isolated, so being out in the world amongst people who don’t respond to every conversation with a meow might also not be a bad thing.
Talented
- At September 05, 2015
- By Amber
- In Studio Journal
- 2
Talented…..
So I have started a blog, I am not sure how often I will update it but I wanted to write about the subject of talent. It isn’t often for me that the ideas in my head coagulate into writing.
I have started back at a life drawing group, there is no teacher so we sometimes ask each other for tips. A member of the group told me that she liked my drawing style and that I am talented. I admit it, this went to my head. She thinks I have talent? The rosy glow of her words lasted for an afternoon. The next day I went back to my drawing and realised it wasn’t that great “the hair is flat, some of the shading is clunky and it’s an easy posture”. I let the inner beast off the leash “you don’t have talent, you’re a fraud, an artist wannabe, how could you let that person think you are talented even for a second?” I will save the subject of the dangers of comparing and the inner beast for another time. I was thoroughly down on myself.
I decided to go back and look at the drawings I made when I started life drawing. I was shocked – some of them are really bad, I honestly didn’t remember them being that terrible. But as terrible as they are there is an obvious progression, at some point I discovered proportion, eventually some shaded muscles start to bulk out the form. Hands and feet remained the shape of spades and facial features are sparse. I was so pleased because I have come such a long way from those first sketches. This leads me back to talent, looking at my first drawings I don’t think anyone who saw them would have told me I have talent. So I ask, does talent exist at all? I love life drawing, for me it is a kind of meditation, when I am figure drawing there is nothing else, no brain static and 90% of the time I walk away a more content person. My love of it makes practising it a joy. I have been working on life drawing on and off over a period of years, I am still learning, seeing a progression in my work gives me hope that I will continue to grow and learn. I will take some of my first sketches with me to the next life drawing group to show my beginnings. Forget talent, if you love what you are doing, just keep going.